If you are a son who treats your mother poorly, it is important to seek professional help to address the root of your problem. "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' A son will not simply begin hating his mother overnight. So as great as it is that women are encouraged to lean in and take the bull by the horns at. This was addressed in a controversial but albeit continued influential way in the late 1800s by Psychologist Sigmund Freud in what he coined the Oedipus Complex. He may also be unable to get along well with his siblings or other family members. It may be that the husband/dad is not living with the family anymore or has died. Disclaimer regarding normal parent-child roles: There is the exception of the changing child-parent relationship when the parent is aging and the child takes on a care-giver identity akin to parenting. Parenting Tips Usman Akram-January 6, 2021. Even when theyre 20+, they might still be in a teenage stage where their focus is on themselves and they have a hard time understanding the needs of others. In these situations, the son may be left feeling confused and angry. What constitutes a negative relationship with one's mother is a fairly broad set of possibilities, and some negative relationships are . The study found that participants listed mental health issues and emotional abuse as reasons for their estrangements. 2. But it happens, and happens for a number of reasons. Yet even with proper coping mechanisms employed, the relationship is strained when mental issues are involved. Whatever the reason, I feel sorry for any child who disrespects their mom and misses out on one of the most important nurturing and loving relationships they will ever have. Thats what youre supposed to do, as a parent. Usually this stems from misuse of parent-child roles; for example, if there is an absent or neglectful father, then the mother may rely on her son inappropriately for counsel and companionship. If a mother constantly judges her son then he might end up resenting her for it because he does not want people to talk about him like that. Some personality disorders can cause a person to have a warped perspective on themselves and others. This is the conundrum. Parents tell stories of ill-spoken words, of misunderstanding, of unhelpful interference from others. We can spend all day listing everything our mothers do for us and how much they mean to us. The narcissistic mother will often start out by idealizing her son and putting him on a pedestalalmost like a display object. If they are attracted to the opposite sex, that is, daughters like fathers, while sons like their mothers, that's positive Phallic psychosexual development, and this could help us explain why sons are closer to their mothers. A mother may wonder how her son could hate her after she gave birth to him. A son who treats his mother poorly might feel too restricted or micromanaged, or he's going through some issues. In todays society, young men are bombarded with images of what it means to be a man. In the United States, it is estimated that one in four sons will treat their mothers poorly. This is the most obvious sign that a mother-son relationship is unhealthy. And sometimes the reason can seem inexplicable. Well look at these below.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_7',151,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Are you having trouble with your children? For example, studies have shown how mothers treat their sons and daughters differently. But why? He hides his relationships from his mother. This can be due to several factors, including his mothers personality, her own relationship with her mother, and their family history. This is exacerbated when the issue goes untreated. A study of more than 1,000 mothers estranged from their adult children found that nearly 80% believed that an ex-husband or their son- or daughter-in-law had turned their children against them. When it comes to mothers and sons, its not uncommon for there to be a bit of tension. That might sound strange, but it makes sense, considering how much time mothers spend helping their sons grow up. Many times, a son will hate his mother because she is continually crossing boundaries, criticizing, and disrespecting his choices. However, for sons, their negative relationship with their mother more often had ripple effects to break down other relationships. Then, I got a call back that no . 20 Fun & Memorable Christmas Activities For Kids, How To Deal With Entitled Stepchildren: 9 Ways To Harmonize With Your New Family, How To Motivate A Teenager Who Doesnt Care: 14 Ways To Re-invigorate Your Child. Peterson attributes the mothers fear of losing her son as a reason for her controlling behavior to manifest itself-to avoid or try to avoid her son leaving her. When a Man Has a Bad Relationship With His Mother. 6 Ways To Keep The Zen! The son feels like he cant please his mother. We have an extensive holistic parenting course just for you. These sons (and mothers) have varying backgrounds and cultures, and come from all walks of life. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Common Reasons Why Sons Treat Their Mothers Poorly, Tips for Creating a Healthy Mother-Son Relationship, Dont Be Afraid to Ask for Professional Help. Another sign of an unhealthy relationship is when the son feels like he cant express himself freely to his mother. Mothers should talk to their sons gently. Finally, if the issue persists and nothing seems to be changing, dont be afraid to ask for professional help. When this happens, children tend to distance themselves from their parents because they no longer feel loved or respected by them. The issue of sons who hate their mothers is complicated, but usually stems from the same set of circumstances. Spouse Substitute. Required fields are marked *. How To Get Kids To Do Chores Without Nagging? This kind of behavior can hurt the sons mental health and affect his life as an adult. When youre a mother, it can be hard to know what to do when your son treats you poorly. The mother is overbearing and controlling. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, so its important to talk and listen to your son and make sure he feels heard. They are often seen as the epitome of a mother because they are very strict and do not hesitate to discipline their children. Some moms may not be good moms and play a part in the child's disrespect for their mother. Some adult children deliberately abuse their parents and, if that is the case, then you should avoid this step. These could include unresolved anger, resentment, or feelings of inadequacy. For this reason, divorce should not be taken lightly (and I argue, if at all) because it leads to the breakdown of the family unit, which can lead to the breakdown of parent-child relationships, too.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-1','ezslot_22',600,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-portrait-1-0'); Sons with mental illness or personality disorders can become difficult to live with, especially for their parents. Sons who treat their mothers poorly are often lost and confused. 5. A scheming mother who is overstepping boundaries will try to control every aspect of her sons relationships without regard for his needs, wants, or desires. This will lead him to disrespect other women as well. The mother might use guilt trips or other manipulative tactics to try to get what she wants from her son, who will often feel like he has to give in because he feels guilty about not giving her what she wants. What does this constant meddling say about sons who hate their mothers? One of the most important things you can do to create a healthy relationship with your son is to let him make his own decisions. Little Ninja Parenting is supported by participation in affiliate programs. Parents must understand the difference between these two scenarios so that they can take steps toward having a healthy relationship with their son if necessary and move past any problems that might arise between them in the future. Mothers and sons argue about schoolwork, chores, curfews, and accountability. Here are some types of dysfunctional mother-son relationships: The Oedipal mother-son relationship is one in which the son perceives his mother as a sexual rival. Sons can also feel suffocated by mothers who are overly involved in their lives. This is especially true in sons who have Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You might have heard the old saying, Mother knows best. But why do some sons have difficulty listening to or respecting their mothers? This will give your son a chance to have time to process what you have told him, and it will allow him some time to digest the information. It could also give you some insight into whats going on in his life, which can help you be more supportive of him as he grows up. It is also considered a normal way of parenting for mothers who have endured the same behavior from their own mothers. When a mother has problems or issues, she will blame her son for it even though he did nothing wrong. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. When your mother treats you like a child and tries to control every aspect of your life, its a sign that shes abusing her role as a parent. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-leader-1-0'); The relationship between a mother and son is extremely important to a males upbringing, just as the father-son relationship is. Yet, some also say its because of something more covert such as a slyly, manipulative mother. A son is a lot like a reflection of you. As such, Ive approached this topic sincerely and am happy to share with you what Ive learned about this paradoxical issue. Its important to talk to him about his past experiences and help him process them in a healthy way. Anger. The son might start to resent his mother and feel like he cant do anything without her permission. He may also feel that she is too controlling in how she handles his life, which can make him feel suffocated by his mother. This can lead to a cycle of poor treatment and resentment. If a mother cannot let her son live his own life and continues to stick her nose in where it does not belong, a hateful son may distance himself from her permanently. She might even tell you what classes to take in school or if you should get married or have children. Here are some tell-tale signs that your mother-son relationship may need some attention: Controlling mothers are very common in todays world. 6. It can be difficult for mothers to treat their adult son and daughter equally regarding discipline, love, and affection. https://aleteia.org/2018/12/09/the-impact-of-controlling-mothers-on-their-sons/, https://www.bustle.com/p/9-signs-your-mom-is-too-controlling-how-to-deal-with-it-36863, https://onlinelibrary-wiley-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/doi/epdf/10.1111/j.1475-6811.1995.tb00076.x, http://standalone.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/HiddenVoices.FinalReport.pdf, https://search-proquest-com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/docview/614509632/fulltextPDF/DD39F752A24D4257PQ/1?accountid=13158, https://www.livescience.com/8156-boys-close-relationship-mom.html. Many sons treat their mothers poorly and make their life miserable. And believe me the biggest regret is having mistreated your own mother. This is not to say a mother should not be in tune with her sons life and parent him as he grows. They do not want their sons to see them as weak or imperfect. Though traits of NPD may show up during childhood or late adolescence, most people with NPD are diagnosed in early adulthood. Disrespecting boundaries may start at a young age and continue through adulthood. The mother makes the son feel guilty for doing things without her. The son ends up resenting this behavior and his mother. She involves herself in her sons personal relationship business. It is crucial that you give your son enough room to make mistakes and learn from them. If your mom seems lonelylike she doesnt have any friends or interests outside of youthat could be a sign of an unhealthy mother-son relationship. Other times, sons may be mean to their mothers because they are going through a tough time in their own lives and take it out on the people closest to them. She might demand that you live at home until youre 30 or tell you who to date and how to dress. In some cases, sons may even verbally or physically abuse their mothers if they are feeling particularly angry or frustrated. Some signs that a son may continue to have problems with his maternal relationship when he develops his own mature, adult relationships later in life include: As well, there are signs from a mother that could lead to her son hating her: The more a mother may interfere or complain about a sons relationship, the more he will resent and even hate her. The son may feel like their mother never did enough to protect them or that she didnt do enough to stop the abuse, even if she did try. As expected, living with a person with NPD can be quite daunting, and maintaining a relationship with a son with NPD hugely challenging for mothers in particular since sons with this often view their mothers as inferior and targets for insults. It gets harder for sons to trust. Mothers are supposed to love their children equally, but most of us know thats not always the case. This problem is especially prevalent among African American and Hispanic families. A son may feel like his mother doesnt trust him and that she thinks hes incompetent. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'littleninjaparenting_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_16',112,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-littleninjaparenting_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0');In addition, he will hate his mother more if he feels she has disrespected his relationships. They may feel like they are not good enough or that they do not deserve their mother's love. The relationship between a mother and her son is complicated. If possible, schedule the meeting in the evening or on a weekend. Sons who hate their mothers may exhibit the following traits: Aggressive behavior Avoidance and detachment in relationships Distrust of females Emotional issues in childhood and in adult life What's tricky to comprehend, though, is that a son from an abusive mother will just as likely love her as hate her. We also participate in programs from other affiliate sites. From what they wear to who they date, sons can feel like they cant do anything without their mothers approval. The relationship between a mother and her son can be a solid one. Because in a healthy family world, all children are treated equally. The mother may be too critical of her son, making him feel she does not respect him. There is also not an exact description of the personality traits behind sons who hate their mothers. Controlling Mothers May Alienate Their Sons, Sons Who Hate Their Mothers Tend to Have Difficult Adult Relationships, If Boundaries Are Disrespected, Things Will Escalate, Sons Who Hate Their Mothers May Simply Cut Off Contact, Mental Illness and Personality Disorders Can Shatter Relationships, Wrapping Up What to Know about Sons Who Hate Their Mothers, link to My Son Is Homeless (Facing Difficult Choices), link to When Your Mother Makes Up Stories (Explained With Tips). And a son from a loving mother may love her back, or hate her. This is a severe issue that should be dealt with immediately. Whatever the cause, the loss can be heartbreaking. This type of behavior can be extremely harmful to the son, as it can lead to him feeling suffocated and unable to live his life the way he wants to. Mothers and sons can have a very special relationship, but what happens when that loving bond turns to loathing? Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. An overly controlling mother is also someone who wants to have the final say in how her son lives his life. All rights reserved 2022-2023 Copyright HowChimp.com. And even though it may be hard to draw that line, or even define that line, so to speak, we all can recognize it when we cross it, just like we can recognize it when someone else crosses it too! Your email address will not be published. This can include things like son talking poorly, being disrespectful or rude, and even acting out violently towards you. Hell learn more from making mistakes than he will from being coddled by his mother! An academic study in the Journal of Family Psychology studied 1,500 adolescents to recognize the parenting differences African American mothers had with their sons and daughters. A sons relationship with his mother not only helps the son form his very own identity but also influences how he interacts with others, including other women, later on in life. In this case, the mother has a soft heart, so she always forgives her son. Here are some signs that the son in question feels like he can never please his mother: 3 The mother is critical and constantly finds fault with her son. 1. Dr.Timothy Legg says that if youre not willing to sacrifice the relationship, then you must modify your behavior in relation to the behavior of the person with NPD. And to do this successfully usually requires regular and consistent therapy involving all stakeholders, if possible: the son, the mother, and the father. Here are a few tips for dealing with sons who treat their mothers poorly. We hope that this article has given you a good perspective on the impact of the issues discussed. This final act of estrangement is a characteristic of sons who hate their mothers. Tell him what he did and why it was the right thing to do. The one emotion boys are allowed to show? It is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees in support of this site by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. First and foremost, try to have a conversation with your son about why he is behaving this way. Something a lot of parents feel like they cant do in front of their kids is own up to making mistakes and potentially looking anything less than perfect. Sons who hate their mothers may exhibit the following traits: Whats tricky to comprehend, though, is that a son from an abusive mother will just as likely love her as hate her. The son also needs to do his part by ensuring he keeps healthy boundaries with his mother and maintains a balance between his mother and spouse. An enmeshed mother-son relationship is one in which the boundaries between the two are blurred. You can tell a lot about a man by the way his mother talked to (and talks to) him. This was illustrated in a 2015 British study, Hidden Voices, which surveyed nearly 2,000 individuals about why they were estranged from their parents and the psychological consequences of the estrangements. Even in these situations, though, the child still treats the parent deferentially and the parent continues to think of the child in his appropriate role. Poorly Seasoned Cast Iron - How to Tell and Fix. Jackie Booe is a Catholic mother of four, grandmother ("Oma") to two, and wife to Mat since 1994. I have identified five types of difficult mother: controlling, angry, narcissistic, envious and emotionally unavailable though most difficult mothers may display all traits to a greater or. If youre a son and your mother is physically or mentally abusive, this can have a huge impact on your life. 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sons who treat their mothers poorly