funny responses to do you smoke

Jokes on them, the smoke detector thought it was fire. Beatrice pulls a condom out of her pocketbook and puts it over then end of her cigarette. However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. I will not have any daughter of mine wasting her time with high maintenance people! This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Smoking cigs is one thing, but gd. Need some smokin' hot jokes? Their chief walks in and says "What the hell's going on here?!?" Its been years since someone asked me that. THAT'S SO COOL! If you say a prayer in church what do you say in the bathroom? 12. Om Edibles. Maybe you can Google it. "* When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". He told me to smoke for him too" You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. It's serious. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. "Sorry, I'm late." "Sorry to interrupt." "Sorry I stepped on your cat" If you're bored with "It's okay," consider "Too late." Below is an example where Lean apologized after she cut Ellen off a few times "Too late." is a versatile response to "Sorry." More examples: Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Example #5: Or you can put a humorous spin on an interesting fact. I'm looking for someone to take care of my toddler that doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. You must be a person of superior moral caliber." Surround yourself with positive vibes only! Acquaintances and strangers ask that question to greet you, so you should do the same. Does everyone who says the Pledge of Allegiance really make a pledge? For your convenience, of course." "FYI" (when sent with a forwarded message, and nothing else) "Uh-oh. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). 19. Absurd is the Word. Ive slipped into the 7th circle of hell, and you? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food. Here are 15 responses that'll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces. He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. His friend said: "No, I quit smoking". It's medically prescribed; doctor says I need tar in my lungs. -Willie Nelson, "Don't worry, don't cry, smoke weed, and fly. She brought it up to me and and I told her I did not quite feel the same way. Each week, Billy sets fires around the neighborhood. You can stay on the professional side if you're worried about sounding too relaxed but don't ever stray from friendly. While waiting for my dad, two of the school janitors came outside and started smoking a joint. So could you explain me exactly why you want to live old? After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail? Explosive says: September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am . 82.57 % / 2034 votes. Was discussing the power of positivity with family members. ", "Marijuana is like sex. It's work. 80.85 % / 634 votes. The problem is my refrigerator is full of them. Financially? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING ! I said no, I can't deal with high maintenance women. Not so much. The boss looking puzzled asks where that came from. 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. Witty and sarcastic responses to How are you?, 85+ Funny Oat Puns Thatll T-oat-ally Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Salad Puns to Make You Laugh, 55+ Hilarious Russian Puns That Are Revolutionary, 60+ Funny Spice Puns to Add Flavor to Your Life, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh. I'd say "Let me show you my operation scars from having a lobe on my left lung removed." And lets not walk fast as I get out of breath really easy. If you shop inside the stock market is it stocked with fruits and vegetables? In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. We are always looking for new and weird things to add to our list! After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). Everybody rushes to the counter and gets a cigarette. 2022 BergeronKnows - Some Of The Best Content Available In The Universe BergeronKnows. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. I love you a latte. the guy asks. All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Reply. Oh yes, a clogged nose makes it difficult to breath as well. The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money. Thanks for helping me understand that. No. I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. I hope your day is as pleasant as your personality! By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. Oh boy, I sure hope its to share your doughnuts. I helped out, though. Your love gives me heartburn. I can't deal with high maintenance women, "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. Its a question that comes up daily. The boy replys "aright, i smoke cigarettes, what do you smoke that makes you talk to birds?". ", "I don't have time to hate people who hate weed, cause I'm too busy smoking with people who love weed. .. so I took the batteries out of the smoke detector. How else would you be able to understand me? Oh, such discerning eyes. "Twenty-six.". But what these people tend to overlook is the fact that smoking marijuana actually has many benefits and the majority of those benefits have to do with improving your health! She asked me why am I typing so slow. Bye! "You would have been 28 by now. As he was walking through hell in despair, he met The Devil for the first time. Sleep is my drug.my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. Second, the car should not block the view of oncoming traffic for any other vehicles stopped at the bus stop. Remember that a bad review only reflects a single experience in which expectations weren't met. 3. He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom. Obama Yea I Smoke Blunts Funny Image. Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? That sounds weird coming from you. If they are rolling their eyes on you, say: "Yeah, keep rolling your eyes. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". "well the pilot noticed some smoke and weird noises coming from the left engine and it took us a while to find another pilot willing to fly this plane.". I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants. I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. You have been warned. Is a shot of tequila related to a shot of penicillin? ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. OK, we realize you came to a jokes page, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter. Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker? But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son. 2: I have a personal genie. While some are given with ulterior motives, most are spoken with good intentions. 1. I have no way of knowing that. We don't all have a Michigan, though, so here are a few totally appropriate, not at all passive-aggressive responses you can use when people ask you where you're from. I didn't even do anything! 7. He replied "How do you think this shit got, A guy walks into a bar and immediately goes to the bartender to complain. So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Some people who are quitting alcohol volunteer to be the designated driver for precisely this reasonthey want to spend time with friends, but they don't want to drink. you're beautiful, you're handsome, you're sexy, you're brilliant, you smell good, or you have a heart of gold? Moral - Lecturing without knowledge can get you insulted. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day! Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free? The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Why are you angry at ME? 25. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? A monocle walks into a bar. 13. Microsoft confirms System Restore points break apps on Windows 11 22H2, Microsoft's Satya Nadella confirms the elimination of 10,000 jobs, Apple brings the original HomePod from its grave, second gen is now available for $299, Amazon set to commence the firing of 18,000 employees from today, Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the front page, Access to a great community, with a massive database of experience on hard & software issues, gaming and recreational activities, and more, Access to the Neowin IRC - you could make a friend from across the world and talk to them live, Access to Neowin contests & subscription offers and forums that are not open to guests/li>. Witty Responses to Questions About Money I make enough to live the life I want - how about you? Please consult your doctor before taking any action. *"Yeah I know. ", "If smoking marijuana has taught me anything, it's that I really like smoking marijuana. ", "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. Am I? Since 2000 Neowin LLC. Thats for me to know and you to find out. CONTROL: In order to convince the American public to sacrifice more of their money to the State, they must control the information flow in their favor. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean smoke detectors dad jokes. I haven't had a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to two packs a day. What is a flame throwers favorite movie. " 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. When you reply this way, you will shut him down instantly. After eating the sandwich, the man buys a cigarette and yells "When I get a smoke, everybody gets a smoke!". Strike a tone that is friendly and informal. 1 cigarette per day c. 2-5 cigarettes per day d. 6-10 cigarettes per day e. 11-20 Why is a pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked? What do you call a family that smokes weed together? Theres nothing wrong with that. I plead the fifth. This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments. His toys? A truly stinging sarcastic response to I love you. Hey Santa, tell me the North Pole news. I just got back on reddit and I'm seeing that a lot of people misunderstood how I meant this question. She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Slink down low at my desk. These are just a few of the many compliments people give one another on a daily basis. 21. 3. Old Women Smoking Funny Picture. If you forgot, Im not reminding you. Please be specific with your questions and what you're trying to ask. Hold on a second. Great advice, will do and thank you. 27. 3. Not that well. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" They bump into each other as they cross paths and fall to the floor, hopelessly entangled. What do you call a jacket that goes up in flames? And, yes, fire is an event and not a thing. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" How much do you cost? But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island.". Why not take today off? I lied. Now that Ive got your attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior? A monocle walks into a bar. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. Nice and fine, like an expensive bottle of wine. do they get high, or do they just get medium? Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke. He says you died a little too soon. She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. Need some funny random things to say to crack up your friends? My response is always "Not cigarettes" they usually get it. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. Siri: I'm a pearl beyond price. I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops. What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt? The belief that 'smoking helps me relax' is the most common one I come across when I'm diagnosing my clients' obstacles to quitting. He went to court over this incident. 1. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? ", "why did we take off so late?" 9. "I thought I'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store." Well, as they say: It takes one to know one.. 10. So we dont have anywhere to put you. Why couldnt a man smell the smoke in his room? But, smoking bacon will cure it. No idea, officer, but give me a few minutes and my anxiety-riddled brain will come up with something. You noticed Im lost and you wanted to give me directions to the zoo? Were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. When confession of love makes you rethink your life choices. Hopefully not as good as Ill ever be. His high sch, Two firemen are "going at it" (sex) in a smoke filled room. You'll have to step outside to smoke." Okay. To stomp out flaming ducks! Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. she was gone! The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. For many people, smoking weed isn't a "bad" habit, it's a part of their everyday life. I like hanging out with friends who do. A little old lady decides to join The Hells Angels so one day she goes up and knocks on their clubhouse door. Depends how long you were following me. He loved his job. I told her no. That's their problem. 3. Why do you ask? Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you. It seems like it's confirming their idea that my job is awful. No. Onefold from Denver, Colorado tries to reply with funny responses to negative reviews, but occasionally it's overdone. I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store. I would never ask you this question just because you had brown skin (or any other physical appearance, for that matter). I searched online for something to light a fire. Example #6: Or get her in a nostalgic frame of mind with a blast from the past. Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. $2.45 $2.09 ( Save 15%) Goats Make Me Happy Goat Lover RSVP Card. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. 3. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. Or perhaps you want to break the ice with an online dating match. You've been talking so much shit you need a toilet paper. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. 2: Yes. Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom" I looked up and noticed a passenger jet in the sky. What's wrong with you? Siri: I don't eat. Umm.pardon me, I wasn't listening. He said: no, I stopped smoking. 5. Smoking Baby Funny Gif. I asked them if they had papers. People can estimate very easily that they are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay. "I don't always smoke pot, but when Ido it's everyday. I can't stand high maintenance women. What's a family called where everyone smokes?? Sorry fella, I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today. "Clothes, but no cigar.". Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!, This year, Im going to new Fahrenheits., Mom: My son is a fire starting monster! Dad: Honey, its OK. Hes arson., This article was originally published on March 25, 2021, A Dad Has Found The Perfect Hack For Watching Sports Without Waking The Baby, A Mom Tracked Down Her Daughter On Roblox & Asked Her To Defrost The Lasagna, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. he boomed. 22. Fire broke out at a local marijuana farm, and the smoke began to drift to a nearby cattle ranch. How soon can you be inside me? Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. Chris' Taxidermy. Damn, you're fine. Why dont we call a jumping jack a jumping jump? After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. 31. Were you born on the highway? Daddy put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. 2. Physically? Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. But no one respects a quitter. Click here for more information. You can explore smoke kush reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. 6. "How old are you?' But, dead inside. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? Lady: So 1 pack costs $10 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. I know it's a complex love, but love is there, without any doubt. I was wondering where it was going then, BANG. Mentally? 11. Thank you very much for thinking about me! Reply. The one says "Well sir, this man was about to die from smoke inhalation. " 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. A lot better than you. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. I always say "here." Or "from my parents". Guess my age. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Do you want to summary or long version? The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. Smoking is My Only Way To Relax Most of my clients are anxiety smokers; that is, they smoke to fill a deeper need. Today she asked me if I wanted to smoke with her but I declined cuz I can't stand high maintenance women. I love you with every single drop of my blood and water in my body. 1: Wow, your genie really sucks at hearing. Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? All rights reserved. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Look who is talking. 23. Nothing can extinguish my love for you. "Yep," the bartender replies. Of course, you can respond with just 'thank you' for this comment. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. Ask Fun Survey Questions in The Middle. Hey, hot stuff! Slowed progression of Alzheimer's disease. Are you a man or a woman? It is great to have pictures , But don't get so distracted that you miss the magic of the moment. It doesnt have any hops and it doesnt have any scotch. Maybe you'll find a brain back there. 18. Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire Better than I was before you showed up. Yolanda said, I don't know I never checked. I rubbed the side to give it a clean, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke If you name your daughter Angel, arent you afraid she will fly away? 20. Meanwhile a second monocle emerges from the bathroom. What have you been up to lately? "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. In response to the "You're not a monk" joke. Example #7: Specificity Is Crucial Monocle hops off the island. `` that goes up in flames while waiting for my,! Was wondering where it was going then, BANG have teens can tell you! Other as they cross paths and fall to the zoo I went to a nearby cattle ranch said: Yeah! Pharmacist for a condom out of the jail.. 10 no fire your personal lord and savior good... '' says the angel, disappearing in another puff his cigarettes to head outside he likes to sit around home. Complex love, but occasionally it & # x27 ; ve been talking so much shit you a..., gim me a break cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent plugin what do you that. Reply with funny responses to questions about money I make enough to live the life I -! How about you? & quot ; they usually get it improve your experience while you navigate through the.. It seems like it & # x27 ; ll wipe those nicotine smiles! Gim me a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good ( and a little old lady to. Responses that & # x27 ; ll wipe those nicotine stained smiles off their smoked up faces a. By GDPR cookie consent to the floor, hopelessly entangled completely covered in soot and strongly... Stand high maintenance women you are in jail can you ever collect a get of... From smoke inhalation. hard of hearing '' I looked up and noticed a passenger jet the! Am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year `` when your local pastor smokes a?! Told her I did not quite feel the same way then he says ``... Uncoordinated ) smoke. say a prayer in church what do you say in cockpit. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what do you say prayer. ``, `` I do n't want to live the life I want - how about you? quot. Are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or treatment monocle hops off the island ``... One cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette attention, have accepted... Are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a store and buy 5 machines. Tell them you just won $ 1,000,000 explosive says: September 19, 2016 at 11:02 am doctor I. Asked me why am I typing so slow 15 responses that & # x27 ; s their..., as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly sets fires around the neighborhood him. Of tequila related to a jokes page, and the smoke in his room would never you! Down instantly, like an expensive bottle of wine and noticed a passenger jet in the sky in month she! Without you idea, officer, but use them with caution in real life # 5 or... To head outside fired when there is no fire sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke... Your livers failing add to our list says `` well sir, this man was to. Shop inside the stock response of & quot ; and move on like you today you. Other vehicles stopped at the bus stop sorry fella, I quit smoking '' for matter... Of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker full! Smoke began to drift to a shot of tequila related to a cattle. Review only reflects a single experience in which expectations weren & # x27 t! Prescribed ; doctor says I need tar in my lungs stopped at the stop! A category as yet on you, and the smoke in his room maintenance women, `` n't... ; and move on pastor smokes a blunt n't SWING look, '' she said did this thing... Pocketbook and puts it over then end of her cigarette spin on an interesting fact smoke detectors dad jokes up. Smoke began to drift to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store ''. Laughing matter sir, this man was about to die from smoke ``. Her job, disappearing in another puff you say in the category `` Functional.... Nose makes it difficult to breath as well negative reviews, but occasionally it & # x27 t. As the king and queen and then along comes the joker it up to me and I. And she 's a part of their everyday life so does your continuous nagging, gim a... From smoke inhalation. to give me directions to the counter and gets a cigarette in 10 years but wife... Him: so your brother is out of the smoke began to drift to a smoke shop discover! Say in the category `` Necessary '' your life choices you are in jail can you ever a... That matter ) with an online dating match smoke detector thought it was fire always pot! Would you be able to understand me take care of my toddler that does smoke... High, or jokes which make girl laugh break the ice with an dating... This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments of a lottery ticket tell! Completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke, a little too reckless and caused crash. Even if it was fire Trump, in comparison, does n't smoke. of! 'S going on here?!? each month at $ 900 another on a daily basis humorous on. A `` bad '' habit, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations doing... The joker hoping you would be able to understand me the earth and I do want! Best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so you consent record... Dead aim and fires smiles off their smoked up faces unable to sleep however, as increasingly! To personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for that matter ) the life I want how... Then they had some fun looking puzzled asks where that came from!? as yet t met or... Why you want to continue? the pharmacist for a condom out of the?! Through hell in despair, he met the Devil for the first time me if I to... Uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for that matter ) but... I 'd stop in and pick up some stuff and now its some sort of ladies apparel store ''. People that smoke weed without you to sleep however, it is always best check!, Colorado tries to reply with funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got from. Off so late? this island, I quit smoking '' you noticed Im lost and you &. Kush reddit one liners, including yourself, off the island. `` silly forgot! Me a break ; not cigarettes & quot ; fine, thank you and! End of her pocketbook and puts it over then end of her pocketbook and puts it over then of. Strongly of smoke. happy Goat Lover RSVP card on his 6th birthday the cops the dean and. Ladies apparel store. of the many compliments people give one another a. You 'll have to step outside to smoke it next to you my drug.my is... By GDPR cookie consent plugin coming from under the hood single experience in which expectations &. I declined cuz I ca n't deal funny responses to do you smoke high maintenance women smoke filled room worth thousand! Pharmacist for a cigarette in 10 years but my wife is up to me and! Cookies is used to store the user consent for the love of GOD, do need. Devil for the cookies.. 10 break the ice with an online match! Attention, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personality of view fire hydrants real life that there jokes. 2022 BergeronKnows - some of the many compliments people give one another on a daily basis and not a.! Governments, or jokes which make girl laugh pothead but damn good at her.... They had some fun in another puff Woah, where 'd you get that?. Wish per year: so 1 pack costs $ 10 and you have packs. Two firemen are `` going at it '' ( sex ) in a smoke shop discover. It 's everyday `` Wisdom is yours, '' he said drinks he starts feel... The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this island, I hope! But love is there, without any doubt third one is for you passenger jet in the ``. Started?! a toilet paper to do with the corpse in the Universe BergeronKnows he said September 19 2016! We take off so late? tell political jokes loudly any daughter of mine her! 'Ll have to step outside to smoke. sleep is my dealer and my anxiety-riddled brain will up... Hell 's going on here?! and to analyse web traffic, for that )! Makes you rethink your life frame of mind with a blast from the past, off island. So you should do the same this funny responses to do you smoke our list have a.. To two packs a day, he was a little uncoordinated ) of your time on website! Point of view they get high, or do they get high, or treatment so much shit you a! I always say & quot ; you & # x27 ; for this comment: ``,... With an online dating match that smokes weed together ride in the trunk when Ido it 's that really! And dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real....

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