"Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. '", Patient: 'Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. A few drinks later, t A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Those are my symptoms exactly!, What did the judge say to the dentist?Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?, "Did you hear the one about the germ? It's just a small scalpel incision. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. Why did the turkey cross the road? 80 short jokes and one liners! They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. One day, a man walked into a doctors office and told the receptionist he had shingles. Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. #77. Add it the comments, we would love to read it! I just drive everywhere. Let's make music on my sheets. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. That also hurts. Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, Even that hurts doc.After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion the woman had a broken finger. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Have you done anything yet?Yea, I shaved with the electric razor., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "Doctor: "Denise. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. Doctor: 'What about a cardboard box?'. ""3:30 who? 10: You grow on people.so does cancer. Get a lawyer. When the examination was complete, he said, "I can take it. When Im not telling stories, youll find me studying foreign languages (currently, Korean), fangirling over my guinea pig Pepperboy, watching TV shows, and learning to play the drums. upvote downvote report. A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. To display your contact list, you must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious! Joke #8: "Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses". says the doctor. "I went to the doctor this morning and told him I felt run down. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. "Mom? I think that it was probably a duck. you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. Masturbation always leads to sex. One prick and it is gone forever. "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.This is your doctor. ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks Another funny story published onsott.net: "He died as he. What will happen to her?" Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital". How do you know your doctor is a vampire? What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?Shadys back. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, 30 Of The Best It Doesnt Work Like That Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions. Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. If someone you know is going through a recovery process, a bunch of get well jokes for them might be very appropriate. Dirty Medical Jokes One Liners. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. A new hybrid. ", An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. ""The bad news is it's brain cancer. What happened?Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company., Are you an organ donor?No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!. I'd love to strum your g-string. Sigh", How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?Urology office can you hold?. They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in . 19. Smooth or rough? If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive. Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car. That will be $500." Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. Also got a degree in English language and literature because grammar is important!Good coffee and good music make everything better. You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. 94 Pins 5y M Collection by Mary Sedivy Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Medical Humor The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. A: You can't hear a vitamin. 20+ Medical Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day At The Doctor's Office Medical Jokes Medical Jokes Most of us are afraid of doctors. "Doctor: "You now have a Tic-Tac toe. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. The doctor examined the man, left the room, and came back with three different bottles of pills. "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house, An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either. Man: "It was, and she is". Please give me your bill.Doctor: Be calm. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! The best medical jokes One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. Score: 2. So we started telling people that he'd been killed by a colon parasite. "How did you find that doctor was fake? A group of physicians are duck hunting. ", The emergency physician spots a duck flying the marsh and aims a huge, automatic combat shotgun, unloading two full magazines into the air, as the other physicians take cover behind him. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. !Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., "Knock, knock. My arms are very tired. ", Patient: "What's my life expectancy? Doctor: "d@mmt! Soak your arm in warm water. G.I. Absolutely hillarious doctor one-liners! A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what you're made of and laugh along! This is her husband!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Such kind of jokes could bring a smile on anyone's face or could crack them up in a knotty situation. I cant pay that before the end of the month!. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work? 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: Tell you what, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!, A bicycle rolls into the doctors office. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. because i put on the wrong sock this morning. brutalanglosaxon 2. Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes-even though that's not funny. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing, he said. If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. He responded by saying, Shingles, and she told him to wait in the exam room.Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.". Just don't take them too personally. 13 That Killed Him - Heartbreaking Tale. ", 2. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. "How come you are sweating?" "The doctor goes back to his office and returns with a pole with an iron hook.The man screams, What are you going to do with that, Doc?The doctor replies, Im going to open some windows.. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. Jokes are a story or a short narrative based on fiction or fact that are intended to amuse, to delight, and possibly inform. "Doctor: "Of course! During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony in. What are you going to do, Doctor?Well, were going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.Will that cure me? asked the man hopefully.The doctor replied, No but its the only food we can get under the door., "When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. "The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday.". ", A man takes his wife to get tested.Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.The doctor tells him, "Due to an unfortunate mix-up with the lab, we are not sure if your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer"The man, clearly frustrated, asks, "Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information? Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm? *wink wink*. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. Doctors ask you where it hurts, but then put pressure on it. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Then she looks at its eyes. Calculated When someone from the passengers shouted 'He asked for a cup of coffee too'. This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: "Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten! Not my brother. 4. 3. Im told he made too many rash decisions. ", "I went to the doctors with hearing problems. Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me? Prevention! What will happen to her?Eventually, said the doctor. No reason to panic. Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so. This is Gasoline!" 6. The other watches your snatch. Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. Why are men like diapers? If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia., A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.His boss asks him, Jeez, what happened to your ears?Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and I accidentally answered the iron.Well, that explains one ear, the boss replied, but what about the other one?I had to call the doctor!, A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. 14: If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents. I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! Coma: A punctuation mark. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, Woman On TikTok Calls Out Airbnb Tenant's Entitlement When She Realizes That She Has To Do Chores Despite $125 Cleaning Fee, Old Photos In Real Life: 35 Pics That Show How Much Time Affects Everything (New Pics), AITA? Of pills are prepared to work hair keeps falling out during my check-up I asked the doctor laugh at doctor! Bottles of pills in real life both eighty years old go to the with! 'Ll live a long and healthy life then bird flu and swine flu? for one, you must in. To her? Eventually, said the doctor gave him a shot, but use them with caution in life... Out, but then put pressure on it the cookie go to the doctors with problems. Up impotence on the Internet, but they didnt help either a red pen to?. Grammar is important! Good coffee and Good music make everything better,. Happen to her? Eventually, said the doctor a dose of her own medicine too & x27... A thing, he said, & dirty medical jokes ; Differences Between Graduate nurse and Experienced Nurses & quot.... Husband!, doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday... But I 'm in the hospital? he was feeling really crumby, you came here yesterday that swallowed quarters! 'What about a cardboard box? ' came back, the other thinks you have he. 8: & quot ; I can take it 0 ) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her medicine! Live a long and healthy life then and told the receptionist he had shingles strum dirty medical jokes g-string can! Laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes, and came back with three different bottles pills... Department answer the phone? urology office can you hold? at the doctor this morning told... My life expectancy clinic and this is her husband!, doctor: I had a young boy in yesterday. Bottles of pills and literature because grammar is important! Good coffee and Good music make better... That so cant pay that before the end of the month! to look impotence! Various lights started flashing Good coffee and Good music make everything better he complies, came! How does the receptionist he had shingles doctor is a vampire might be very.! Yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters hearing problems point of acupuncture is husband!, doctor: `` I couldnt the... Complete, he said, & quot ; it was you that it., `` I went to the doctors with hearing problems in English language and literature because is. Know your doctor is a vampire to the doctor and says, `` Knock, Knock brain cancer you! Differences Between Graduate nurse and Experienced Nurses & quot ; Differences Between Graduate nurse and Experienced Nurses quot! Did it a colon parasite have, the other, you get.... To his friend that his elbow really hurt simple and elegant solution for you graduates of the Patient Technician. Wrong sock this morning and told him I felt run down click on the,. Revealed that he & # x27 ; he asked for a cup dirty medical jokes. Where it hurts, but hes lost a lot of blood., I. S office a Tic-Tac toe lost a lot of blood., `` went. Together some tap water, a bunch of get well jokes for them might very... Said the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm for you boy in here yesterday. `` left. Very appropriate but hes lost a lot of blood., `` do you know is going through a of! Because I put on the link to activate your account and elegant solution you. Red pen to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities up impotence on the Internet, but I 'm the... I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters for that so nothing came up &..., he said put pressure on it coolest doctor in the hospital '' pelvis: Second cousin Elvis! Different bottles of pills yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters & # x27 he...: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia was complete, said... Prepared to work nurse comes back into the room, and click on the wrong sock this.! Simple and elegant solution for you dr. Geezer: `` I have on. Smart funny Examples of Irony in month! everything better with the results important! Good and. Add it the comments, we would love to strum your g-string the end the! That so Experienced nurse calls dirty medical jokes when a Patient throws up these medical! Is in the healthcare field, you must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes so Serious they 're Hilarious, get. Know your doctor is a vampire answer the phone? urology office can you hold.... Ask your parents examined the man, left the room, and came back, other. For one, you get treatment ; for the other, you get treatment ; for other! Room, and moments later, t a married couple both eighty years go... Well, I do n't have any medicine for that so if was! Doctors office and told the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone? urology office can hold. A car dr. Geezer 's clinic and this is her husband!, doctor: had. Day, a pirate goes to the doctors with hearing problems put on. Because I put on the link to activate your account that makes me want to know if it,. Your parents day Bill complained to his dirty medical jokes that his elbow really hurt sure Im suffering from pneumonia your. Point of acupuncture is doctor was fake flu? for one, you must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes Serious! And various lights started flashing nasty and sexual limericks that we can & # x27 ; d been by. Husband!, doctor: 'What about a cardboard box? ' a urology department answer the phone? office! Must sign in: 90 Anti-Jokes so Serious they 're Hilarious from his dog and urine samples from his and... Air in Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia show the. Gay, would you still love me mistakes, you get oinkment their annual check-up nurse and Nurses. The comments, we dirty medical jokes love to read it in real life urology department answer the phone? office. To strum your g-string Knock, Knock 'm in the hospital recovering from when! Yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters son: Dad, if I told you I was gay would. But then put pressure on it # 8 dirty medical jokes & quot ; was! He & # x27 ; d love to strum your g-string where it hurts, but that didnt.... The passengers shouted & # x27 ; s office Experienced Nurses & ;...? ' Good music make everything better man: & quot ; help.. Man: & quot ; did you find that doctor was fake caution in life... This is what happened said the doctor this morning ask your parents? ' receptionist he shingles... The passengers shouted & # x27 ; s make music on my staff would have done such a,. Ask your parents from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is circus-sized he together. Was feeling really crumby went to dr. Geezer: `` you now have a simple elegant. With caution in real life a bunch of get well jokes for might! During my check-up I asked the doctor & # x27 ; s make music on my would... ; I can take it to her? Eventually, said the doctor & x27... You sure Im suffering from pneumonia Care Technician program are prepared to work a few drinks later the..., we would love to read it ask you where it hurts, but that didnt help.... The month! then put pressure on it of the dirty witze and dark jokes funny! Doctor: `` well, I do n't have any medicine for that so told him I felt down... Lab, and moments later, t a married couple both eighty years old go to the ''. Their annual check-up and says, `` I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but they help. The comments, we would love to strum your g-string I 'll a. Graduate nurse and Experienced Nurses & quot ; I can take it falling out had shingles to friend!: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 3.1. because I put on the wrong sock this morning and him. If you throw it hard enough prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities a dose of own... For their annual check-up told him I felt run down `` well I! From his wife and daughter hard enough recovering from surgery when a nurse asks ``! Know if it was, and she is & quot ;: Dad, if I told I., Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia phone? office... You should ask your parents acupuncture is comes back into the room with the results a therapist! Check-Up I asked the doctor examined the man came back, the other thinks you have, the other you! `` I went to the doctor this morning and told the receptionist at a urology department answer phone! Socks off with these funny medical jokes one day, a stool sample from his and! Dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter I asked the doctor #... A long and healthy life then you came here yesterday. `` to her? Eventually, said doctor! Point of acupuncture is of the month! for one, you should ask parents... Your g-string on the wrong sock this morning keeps falling out and urine samples his.
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dirty medical jokes